The mouth of my soi

Mai kao-jai is probably the most useful Thai I know. It means “I don’t understand.” It also summarizes my knowledge of Bangkok.

I used it successfully for the first time tonight while buying some mysterious balls of meat from a street vendor. She asked me a complicated question in Thai, probably whether I wanted spicy sauce, or sweet sauce. I said mai kao-jai, which she must have understood, because she repeated it and laughed. Then she let me sample the sauces. Yes, I can now serve as a source of entertainment for street vendors!

But seriously, being understood in Thai is no easy task. Each word can have up to five meanings, depending on how you say it. And I don’t understand the five different tones. I’ve quickly learned that studying Thai on my own is not sufficient. I need feedback on how I am saying the tones.

Cops and Vendors

But back to the previously mentioned vendor. While I was busy indicating which balls of meat I wanted to purchase by placing them on the grill (even the Thais do this), they suddenly ran away. While pushing their cart. Over the bags of groceries I had set down. The three other vendors nearby did the same thing. I figured some half-assed bust must be going on. Looking around confirmed my suspicions, because a cop was standing around with a “drat, foiled again,” look on his face. The vendors weren’t too difficult to locate, since they had only moved a half block away. So the Bangkok police must either be lazy, stupid, or corrupt. Who would have thought?

But the question remains. Why are meat balls illegal? Mai kao-jai.

The Starbucks Connection

While futilely searching for an internet cafe, I stopped at Starbucks to work on my Cambodia photos. When I whipped out my laptop, an expat and fellow computer geek asked me if I was aware that this Starbucks has a wireless network. No, I wasn’t. That’s good, a chance to try out my wifi capability. It’s expensive, though, so it would still be nice if I could find a cafe. I’ll eventually get an ISP at home, but it will be slow.

By chatting with my new acquaintance, I learned that he had his own business installing wireless networks. Hence his secret knowledge, since Starbucks isn’t advertising its network. But I was encouraged to meet an expat who’s not teaching English. I’d like to stay here for awhile, but would rather do anything besides teach English.

Then Russell briefed me on the dangers of Thai women (“You will get a girlfriend,” he assured me). Apparently, all those Thai women you see with Western guys are looking for a “lifestyle upgrade.” Who would have thought? I pretty much had this figured out already. Thai women are stunningly beautiful, but is a relationship founded on the differences between bank balances a healthy one?

After he warned me about Thai women, Russell’s Thai wife came in. Mai kao-jai.

Wither Seven 11?

While in Bangkok, you are never more than 30 seconds from a Seven 11, an internet café, or a street vendor. Unless you are near my apartment. I seem to have found the only area of Bangkok that lacks these three essentials of life. Having to take a bus to the Skytrain wouldn’t be so bad, if there was something in the neighborhood. But there’s nothing here, except a Lexus dealership, a Mercedes Benz dealership, and a BMW dealership. Since I don’t plan on purchasing a luxury automobile in the near future, there’s not much here for me. There is an IMAX theater down the street, but how many times can you watch giant panda documentaries?