I swear, I didn’t just pull the idea of owning a business in Thailand out of my ass. I initially met several farang running what I thought were successful businesses, which led me to seriously consider this as a possibility. Later, I found out some details. Let’s consider my prote้g้es. The names have been changed to protect the guilty:

• Rob started a company to install wireless internet hotspots. After six months, he hasn’t had his first customer. He started the business to stay in Thailand with his Thai wife.

• Jack bought an internet cafe, and seemed to be doing very well. But his profits are half of what the seller claimed. And his friend/partner wanted to buy the business for his Thai girlfriend, who I imagine runs it. Jack never studied visa and foreign investment regulations before coming, which I find very strange. The first question I ask about a country is “how long can I stay?”

• Bruce owns several Playstation2 game rooms. He claims they make a little money, which they seems to, but he wants to sell then to move to Pattaya and do… I don’t know, booze and whore, I imagine. Bruce is operating totally under the table, and has been illegally obtaining 30-day entry stamps via a travel agent for the past 14 months. The government has started throwing foreigners with these stamps in jail. Bruce was ignorant of this news, but acted unfazed when I duly informed him. Privately, he must be sweating bullets.

The common element from these three case studies reveals a certain kind of person that does business in Thailand. The requisite attributes are:

• recklessness
• ignorance/stupidity
• a Thai girlfriend
• a substantial sum of money to play with

I may only qualify for one of those, and unfortunately, not the Thai girlfriend one.

Of course, these three gentlemen don’t represent all foreign businesses here. I know it is possible. In fact, there’s a good book about it called “Start Up and Stay Up In Thailand.” But that’s about taking an idea and starting your own business.

And a single internet cafe or game room does not make much money. You would have to own several, or a very large one to just earn a living. And that is more expensive than I expected, since reported profits tend to be inflated.

In the course of this research, I did not lose any money. Just time. I’m accepting the fact that I’ll have to return to my original Master Plan, teaching English, which I probably would be doing now, if I hadn’t stumbled onto the strange characters profiled above.

I still have to formalize a schedule for this Plan. I just started my second month of Thai lessons (I took last month off, since I fell behind, and was busy investigating dodgy businesses). I’m starting to sort of enjoy it now. I think mostly because all the people who were doing well advanced to level 3, leaving only dummies behind.

But, I feel optimistic, and will finish this month. Since my original Plan was to come here to study Thai, I may even take level 3. I will have a month of teaching certification to do, so I need to start thinking of doing that. After level 3 may be a good time. It would be nice to start earning some money.

A good thing about teaching is that there’s no worries about having to liquidate assets when it comes time to leave. Thailand holds my interest for now, but I’m not signing up for life. I’ll be able to pack up and head for greener pastures when the government finally decides to deport all foreigners.