Since this is summer school, which is extra tuition that is supposed to be fun, the kids get to go on a field trip. Today we went to the surreal and depressing Tiger Zoo, two hours outside of Bangkok. After the students were dropped off by their drivers in BMW’s and Mercedes, they got into three busses. But these busses were like none I ever rode in school. If you were to buy a ticket on one, they would probably be classified as “Super VIP.” Huge double decker busses, fully equipped with reclining seats, TV, karaoke, and a staff of chaperones. That is just the upper deck were the students rode. The lower deck consisted of a lounge, were the teachers hung out.

The bus chaperones herded the students around all day. In addition, the Thai teachers were there too. That left us farang teachers with only the job of being white. So we explored the zoo. I had never heard of this place, and was surprised to see some farang tourists there. Here’s what Lonely Planet says about it:

The complex is very popular with Asian package tourists who pay to be photographed posing with tiger cubs and iguanas, but if you are turned off by caged or performing animals, give this place a miss.

First up was a tiny dirty cage full of tiger cubs. We noted that the cage was unlocked, and we could just walk in if we wanted to. I wasn’t interest in going into a cage full of tigers, but two guys were. A Thai worker, who I suspect was the janitor, came up and said it was too dangerous, to which our brave heroes replied “mai bpen rai,” it doesn’t matter, the Thai national motto. So the janitor let them in. The playful little buggers proceeded to bite and scratch, and had to be forcefully removed, while the janitor stood by laughing. No blood was drawn, but skin was bruised, and clothes were ripped.

The motto of the Tiger Zoo seems to be “Mixing up unrelated animals in small, dirty cages.” One cage featured an enormous pig nursing baby tigers. Another featured a tiger nursing baby pigs. Then there was a cage labeled “Happy family,” with a tiger, a pig, and an alligator, all in blissful, drug-induced sleep.

The lowlight was indeed the performing animals: racing pigs, dancing elephants, and basketball playing monkeys. I don’t know if Ringling Brothers really does treat its animals well, but at least they don’t publicly beat their monkeys when they make a mistake.

So we drove two hours to this thing, then an hour to the beach in Pattaya, where we were supposed to lead games, but the students all ran off, so we sat around and ate. We stayed an hour, then two hours back to Bangkok.