How many Thais does it take to sell a pair of underwear?

One of the first things I noticed about Asia in general, and Thailand in particular, was how many people would be doing a job, and how eager they are to serve. In America, labor is expensive, so businesses employ as few people as possible. So when you walk into a store, you’re on your own. This gives you freedom to browse at your leisure, but God help you if you need help. Then you have to track down the one employee, who will inevitably be pissed off you interrupted them reading their magazine. They will scowl at you, and offer you the absolute minimum assistance.

In Thailand, the opposite is true. Labor is cheap, so stores have veritable armies of employees. And this being the Land of Smiles, they are happy and eager to serve. Instead of reading a magazine, or gossiping with their friends, these low-paid workers will selflessly man their posts, desperate to sell something.

I went to the Central Department Store near me to expand my wardrobe. Choosing a pair of shoes was stressful due to all the employees hovering around me, watching my every move, like a pack of hungry vultures. If I picked out a pair for closer inspection, one of them would swoop in to assist.

Buying underwear was even worse. A helpful woman (like cleaning men’s bathrooms, selling men’s underwear is a woman’s job in Thailand) is stationed in each aisle, who will brief you on color, size, and style. For me, buying underwear is a personal experience, and I would rather be left alone.

When I went to pay, I counted ten people in the mob behind the counter. But unlike America, where service workers usually loaf, they all seemed to be doing some well defined task. One girl would ring up the items, one would collect the money, one would get the change, one would put the items in a bag, and another would hand me the bag. The rest provided emergency back up assistance and moral support.

Supermarkets have the same abundance of employees. If you’re having trouble choosing toothpaste, a helpful girl is stationed nearby to provide assistance. Then there’s the free samples. When I was growing up, the monthly free sample day at our local supermarket was an eagerly anticipated event. In Thailand, every day is free sample day. The aisles are clogged by girls giving away all sorts of food, and often armed with a loudspeakers so they can hawk their wares. This is probably because of the Asian fear of open spaces. If there is a space, it must be occupied by somebody selling something.

Then there are the girls working at kiosks in shopping malls selling juice or ice cream or coffee. Instead of reading a magazine, listening to music, or chatting on a cell phone, like they would in the West, then glaring angrily at anybody who dared to interrupt them, these girls stand there all day hawking what they’re selling to passersby: “Blaa blaa blaa kaaa! Blaa blaa blaa blaa kaaa!” That’s dedication to a lousy job.

Interestingly, some new stores seem to be adopting the American model of customer service, i.e., no customer service. Tesco Lotus is the local version of Walmart, but is much smaller than the supersized American version. Like the original, there are few employees, none of whom are eager to help

Now if only I could find somebody to explain the difference between the button fly boxer shorts and the non button fly ones.

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In an effort to answer the question: “why did you hang up your backpack,” it’s time for a wrap up.

Even though I never really mentioned it here, I had always planned to stop partway through my trek to search for work. From reading so many travelogues, I figured I would get burnt out at some point. I originally thought I would look in Singapore. But when I reached the city-state, I had just gotten to Asia, and wanted to see what awaited me. Plus, Singapore was boring. When I reached KL, I found I liked that city very much. But, it was still too soon to stop for a year.

After hanging out on Thailand’s islands, I was ready for one of my most anticipated destinations: Burma. I traveled hard in Burma, and saw more than most. It was in Burma that I realized I would always be a tourist unless I stopped to learn some of the local language and meet some of the local people.

Perhaps I worked too hard in Burma, because I didn’t really enjoy my next stop, Nepal. Strangely, all I could think about while trekking in the stunning Himalayas was stopping to study a language and get a job. I think I was frustrated because I couldn’t really connect with anyone in Burma since I couldn’t speak Burmese. So what was the point of even trying in Nepal? Not even Mountain Dog could lift my spirits.

I briefly rallied at the end of the trek, as my companions and I drew up plans to visit another one of my most anticipated destinations: the forbidden and foreboding plateau of Tibet, now under the iron fist of the People’s Republic of China. From here I could pass into mainland China, and realize my long-held dream of traveling through that mysterious and increasingly important country.

Unfortunately, at the last minute, the three of us learned that, for reasons unexplained, the PRC sealed the borders of Tibet, citing SARS. Never mind the fact that there were no SARS cases in Tibet, Nepal, or India. The Fellowship had to be broken, and my companions went off to alternate locals. Mike to Egypt, and Jamie to India.

But where would I go? Even though I was free to travel to mainland China, and indeed even had a Chinese visa in my passport, I deemed China off-limits due to SARS. I wasn’t afraid of catching it, but I was afraid that China would be closed-down due to their emergency measures. I was also afraid of being viewed with suspicion upon leaving the People’s Republic.

Eliminating China cut off a major link in my overland saga through Asia, effectively ending it. Since I wasn’t enthusiastic or knowledgeable about India, now looked like the time to fulfill the goal I’d had since Burma. Instead of just passing through a place as a tourist in a hurry, stop, learn the language, get a job, and make some friends. But where?

I briefly considered Japan, another place I’ve always wanted to visit. But I was tired of being a tourist, which I would have to be in Japan first, since I’d never been there. So it had to be a place I’d been. It also had to be a big, modern city. That pretty much left KL and Bangkok. KL’s a great city, but too many people speak English there. Also, outside of KL, Malaysia’s modern and boring.

Due to the lack of English, I figured it would be easier to get a teaching job in the Big Mango. Bangkok also had the advantage of being full of Thai people, whom I find fascinating and mysterious. They’ve got some decent grub, and, prices are cheap.

So, the decision made, I bought a one way ticket to the City of Angels. But now what?

To be continued…

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A birthday is a good time to consider not only where you’ve been, but where you are going.

When I first arrived in the Big Mango, I reveled in simply not having to go anywhere. And after looking at so many ancient temples, I had a strong desire to play a computer game called Civilization III. That took about a month to get out of my system.

Then I wanted to immerse myself in some Thai culture. So I studied Thai massage. After that I began a formal study of the Thai language. All the while I kept my ear to the ground for work opportunities. I learned that there are three options for expats here:

I first arrived in Bangkok with the free 30-day visit stamp issued upon arrival to most visitors from Western countries. Unfortunately, 30 days goes by damn fast.

When my first 30 days was up, I headed for the nearest border, Poipet, Cambodia, only four hours from Bangkok. Unfortunately, a Cambodian visa costs $25. That, coupled with the bus ticket makes Cambodia an expensive proposition for a 30 pass.

So, I decided when the second 30 days was up, I had to find a cheaper solution. After some research, I bought a ticket to Vientiane, Laos, 12 hours away. There, I should be able to obtain a 60-day tourist visa, extendable by 30 days, allowing me to stay in-country for three months.

Even though I've wanted to visit Vientiane for awhile, I don't like being forced to. I am also still in my too much travel-induced funk. And the constant rain isn't helping my mood.

Upon arrival, my first stop was the dreaded Thai embassy, a.k.a., hell on earth, to submit my passport. The queue was huge, so I paid the dodgy guys outside 400 baht to go straight to the front. Even then, I still had to wait inside a small, crowded, chaotic room for about two hours. But I successfully submitted my passport and paid the 300 baht fee.

I can't pick up my passport until Monday, so I have a weekend to kill. If it ever stops raining, I might walk around town, which is amazingly small for a capital city. Smaller than Phnom Penh. It's also a bit of a disappointment for me, since it's the first socialist country I've visited, but there are no hammers and sickles, red stars, or green-uniformed soldiers beating student demonstrators. In fact, it just seems like a poor version of very capitalist Thailand.

So, due to my lack of enthusiasm for being here, I've just been sitting around in cafes reading and eating baguettes.

I look forward to getting back to Bangkok, since I submitted an offer on an internet cafe before I left, which the owner accepted. This business is very profitable for its cost, if the owner's numbers are accurate. When I get back I will begin the due diligence process of verifying the revenue.

The one problem with this business is the location: a 30 minute bus or taxi ride from the On Nut terminal of the Skytrain, on the opposite side of town from me. Since it takes an hour to get there, finding a new place will become a priority. The upshot is that the clientele are Thai students from a nearby university. Thai students will not stay home because they are afraid of SARS or terrorists, unlike fickle tourists.

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I admit I haven't been posting as much as I should lately. This has been partly due to the uncertainty of my situation. But, then again, perhaps I should be documenting my decisions more thoroughly.

So I turn to you, gentle reader. What would you like to see here? Should I return to the daily journal entry format? A weekly summary? or more poorly-written attempts at humorous essays?

Your opinion is valued.

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I wasn’t planning on hanging out with the hippies, since I feared that we no longer had anything in common. Unfortunately, I had no choice.

My only souvenier from Laos

I befriended an eager young British guy on the VIP bus, who was just starting out on his own year-long trip. I did my best to disillusion him with my tales of too much travel.

He was an outgoing sort, and befriended many of his fellow travelers, who I ate dinner with. The conversations centered on which countries they had “done,” how easy it is to get opium in Vang Vieng, or wherever, and how fun it is to smoke pot in Luang Prabang, or wherever. Like the Cyber Nomad before me, I was annoyed, and herby vow to never visit those places.

When I was asked the standard traveler’s question “how long have you be in insert country name?” (usually #2, after “how long have you been traveling?”), I was forced to explain that I was living in Bangkok, and was just in Laos to get a Thai visa. Needless to say, the hippies were not pleased. “Why would you want to live in Bangkok?” “Why would you want to learn Thai?” “Why aren’t you ‘doing’ Laos?”

I should have just said I’ve been smoking opium in Luang Viang for the past three months. Or wherever.

Aside from the hippies, Vientiane was OK. Well, also aside from the fact that there’s nothing to do there. I walked to the big French monument, which you can climb. That entertained me for about 30 seconds. The balance of my time was spent reading old newspapers in cafes (curse Bangkok’s shitty bookstores), and reading email in internet cafes. Vientiane has a few bars and nightclubs, but right as you’re starting to have fun at 11:30, they kick you out.

Monday I had to wait another two hours at the Thai embassy to pick up my passport. I was hot and sweaty, and frustrated by the lack of orderly queuing. But the mission was accomplished.

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I’m surprised I haven’t been inundated with email from people warning me to be careful now that Thailand is a hot-bed of terrorists.

In case you haven’t been following the news, Hambali, the alleged leader of Jemaah Islamiyah, was captured in Autthaya, about an hour from Bangkok, and was allegedly planning to blow lots of stuff up during the upcoming APEC summit, which President Bush himself will be attending.

Well, the streets are hardly crawling with suicide bombers. Indeed, everything appears to be normal. At least until you read the newspapers. The government is going crazing getting ready for the summit, and is cracking down left and right. For instance, a three-month war on “lewdness” has been instigated against the nightspots most popular with tourists. But what about all the money these tourists spend in pursuit of the aforementioned “lewdness?” Deputy Interior Minister Pracha Maleenont had a strange comment on these tourists:

“We do not want them here. They spend little money and look down on Thai women and Thai people.”

I’m guessing that a rich sex tourist spends a ton of money. And since when do Thais care if farangs look down on Thai women and Thai people? There is no corresponding crackdown on massage parlors that the Thai men frequent, who look down on Thai women more than farang men.

A slightly more alarming aspect is the sweeping new anti-terrorism powers granted to the police. As is the case with these sorts of laws, they erode civil rights. Usually, that’s bad enough, but these laws weren’t even passed by Parliament. Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra issued them by decree, saying there wasn’t time to pass the laws through normal channels. Disturbingly, there wasn’t much of a public outcry. Perhaps Thaksin wants to return Thailand to its dictatorial past?

Due to Thaksin’s cooperation with the US in terrorism matters, he is very popular with George W. Never mind his repression of civil liberties during his three-month war on drugs, where thousands of suspects were summarily executed by police. Or his upcoming war on “dark influence,” which critics say he is using to remove his opponents from the government.

Thaksin (pronounced “toxin,” perhaps appropriately) also does not like foreigners. After all, his party is called “Thai Rak Thai,” or “Thais Love Thais.” He has just raised visa fees by 300%, and now with the upcoming summit, has an excuse to crack down on immigrants. Keeping terrorists out is fine, but I’m worried this may make my life more difficult when it comes time to get a new tourist visa in three months.

The final, and perhaps greatest threat to me is the fact that I am a news junkie. This is exacerbated by Bangkok’s poor English-language bookstores. Unlike KL and Singapore’s huge Borders, Bangkok’s Bookazines’ are tiny. And half the books are on Thailand. I would kill for a decent sci-fi book.

Since I can’t find a good novel, my only recourse is news. I buy a newspaper nearly every day, and a Newsweek and Economist every week. To my horror, I read the following story in the Bangkok post, which I’m reproducing here, since it’s so surreal.

So, if you haven’t heard from me for awhile, I’ve probably been locked up in a Bangkok jail. Please send help.

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