Wow, today is the one year anniversary of my departure. It seems like I’ve been gone forever, and travel is what I do now. Do I miss home? No, but I do miss burritos. And the Simpsons.

In light of today’s landmark date, perhaps a brief summary of the past year would be appropriate.

The journey began in New Zealand. Stranded on the other side of the world, and with no idea how to travel on my own, I took the easy route and booked a tour on a backpacker bus. It was expensive, but good. I met lots of English people, and experienced all of the natural beauties of this amazing country. Canoeing and hiking in Abel Tasman National Park, and learning (sort of) to snowboard in Queenstown were particular highlights. New Zealand is tied with Nepal as the most beautiful country I've visited, and Queenstown is tied with Muktinath in Nepal as the single most beautiful spot I've seen.

After a month in New Zealand, I proceeded to Australia. After hanging out in lovely Melbourne's cafes, I toured the Outback, sleeping in a swag, and climbing Uluru, the Big Red Rock. The ascent of Uluru was the scariest thing I've ever done.

In Cairns I learned to dive, and suffered my first setback when I though I burst an eardrum. Then I was ready to head off on my own, taking the Greyhound down to Sydney. I stopped off at all the traditional backpacker places such as Fraser Island to drive a 4WD on the beach, and Byron Bay, to observe ancient hippies in their natural habitat. Unfortunately, my time in Sydney was limited. Sydney is the most beautiful city I've ever seen.

Then it was off to Asia, where I was welcomed by Singapore's finest bedbugs. I guess nobody told Lee Traveler's Club that Singapore is supposed to be a clean city.

When I got off the train in Malaysia, I though I would be mobbed by suicide bombers. But I learned that the American media distorts reality. Except for its exciting, vibrant capital, KL, I found Malaysia modern and boring, so I proceeded quickly to Thailand, via the karaoke bus.

After a sleepless night on a bus full of drunken Malaysian retards, I experienced my fist, and probably only, culture shock, when I arrived in dirty, chaotic Hat Yai. The confusion was exacerbated by the fact that, unlike other places I had been, nobody spoke English. After I took a nap I was fine. I proceed to Koh Tau, where I dove, then hung out on Koh Pan Ngan for awhile.

After a brief detour back to KL to see the weird Hindu Thaipusan festival, I headed to Bangkok, the ugliest city I ever saw. I quickly flew to Rangoon, Burma, to begin a six week tour of the country. Everything about Burma was great, and it is tied with Cambodia as my favorite country. Scoff if you like, but you really need to visit these places before you write them off as hell-holes due to their bad publicity.

A temple may be a temple, but Rangoon had the single best temple I've ever visited. For the sheer beauty of the golden spires, the peaceful but alive atmosphere of monks chanting in Pali and devotees circumambulating, I challenge you to top Shwegadon Paya.

Then it was off to Nepal for the end of trekking season. The Himalayas were stunningly beautiful, but the people and culture failed to capture my interest. Plus, I was burned out on travel.

After being denied access to Tibet, I returned to Bangkok, a place I could stay indefinitely for cheap, while I figured out what I could do next.

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Maybe buying my own business in Bangkok won’t work out. Not surprisingly, it seems that the Thai sellers are a bit dodgy.

After all, why would a Thai sell a profitable business through a brokerage? Shouldn’t they have their own channels? A guy from Jersey is selling his game rooms because he is moving to Pattaya to open his own go-go bar. Even though he is also slightly dodgy (former used car salesman), his reason is plausible, if stupid.

Unfortunately, these businesses are not highly profitable. This is by no means a get-rich quick scheme. If I would want to save some money, I would have to teach part time.

Then there is the disturbing and confusing new immigration law that will be taking effect next year. Formerly, Thailand was a place you could live indefinitely, as long as you crossed the border every three months. Many farang have lived here for years, even working under the table.

But things may be changing, thanks to terrorists, and Prime Minister Thaksin’s xenophobic policies. There is a rumor that you will be limited to six consecutive free 30 day visit passes. Fine, that should keep the terrorists out. Make everyone who wants to stay apply for a visa. But what if they limit the number of consecutive tourist visas you can have? Or what if they eliminate the one-year visas?

Those are only rumors. The new law, due to go into effect next year, is strange and harsh, and affects three groups of people. The first group are retirees. The illogical Thai government should be welcoming foreigners who wish to retire here with open arms, since they will only spend money. Instead they are increasing the amount of money retirees must have in a Thai bank. So they can keep the people who aren’t rich enough out. Stupid, but that does not affect me.

Another strange aspect of the law will affect those married to Thais. Foreign husbands will have to double the amount of money they must have in a Thai bank. While not unreasonable to require that foreign husbands can support their families, what about those who can, but earn less than what is required? Do they plan on breaking up those families? As nonsensical as this is, it also does not affect me.

The part that might affect me if I want to do business here is a new requirement that foreign-owned businesses be “highly capitalized.” The law is poorly translated, but it seems to imply that the minimum investment is 30 million baht. That’s $750,000, a king’s random that I will never be able to meet.

If you can’t meet the requirement, you can’t be legit, and will have to get a tourist visa every three months. Or go home once a year and get a one-year multiple entry. And hope those visas don’t go away. Conversely, you also won’t be paying taxes, saving you a big chunk of money.

Today it occurred to me that maybe this new rule only applies to foreign businesses. The way it is now, if you invest 2 million baht ($50,000), you can go legit by forming a Thai corporation, with 4 Thai partners, and 51% Thai control. There are various ways of dealing with the fact that you don’t have any Thai partners, as well as maintaining de facto 100% control. Since this is technically a Thai, and not a foreign business, I have a hunch that this will not be affected.

Also, this is Thailand, so many laws can be avoided, unless you are very unlucky, or stupid.

However, due to the uncertainty of the climate, it may not be wise to invest here at this time. So I have been trying to formulate a Plan B. I would probably rather do business in China, but unless you have a lot of money to invest, I think you can only stay there for two months on a tourist visa. There’s also Vietnam, but I think you are also limited by tourist visas. Thailand, for now, remains a cheap place that doesn’t kick you out.

I don’t have a Plan B, but Plan C would be to bite the bullet and get a TEFL certification, which would let me fulfill my dream of living in China by teaching English. I still have a lack of enthusiasm for teaching, though.

At least I have an exit strategy. Just buy a ticket and go home. But I have low hopes for finding a job in America, and it would likely take months and months. I could probably live with my mom, but after living in Bangkok, I think I would go crazy in Indiana. I would have to go to San Francisco or New York. Even living in a hostel I would quickly exhaust my savings in those expensive places.

Plus, I like the idea of owning my own business.

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I swear, I didn’t just pull the idea of owning a business in Thailand out of my ass. I initially met several farang running what I thought were successful businesses, which led me to seriously consider this as a possibility. Later, I found out some details. Let’s consider my prote้g้es. The names have been changed to protect the guilty:

• Rob started a company to install wireless internet hotspots. After six months, he hasn’t had his first customer. He started the business to stay in Thailand with his Thai wife.

• Jack bought an internet cafe, and seemed to be doing very well. But his profits are half of what the seller claimed. And his friend/partner wanted to buy the business for his Thai girlfriend, who I imagine runs it. Jack never studied visa and foreign investment regulations before coming, which I find very strange. The first question I ask about a country is “how long can I stay?”

• Bruce owns several Playstation2 game rooms. He claims they make a little money, which they seems to, but he wants to sell then to move to Pattaya and do… I don’t know, booze and whore, I imagine. Bruce is operating totally under the table, and has been illegally obtaining 30-day entry stamps via a travel agent for the past 14 months. The government has started throwing foreigners with these stamps in jail. Bruce was ignorant of this news, but acted unfazed when I duly informed him. Privately, he must be sweating bullets.

The common element from these three case studies reveals a certain kind of person that does business in Thailand. The requisite attributes are:

• recklessness
• ignorance/stupidity
• a Thai girlfriend
• a substantial sum of money to play with

I may only qualify for one of those, and unfortunately, not the Thai girlfriend one.

Of course, these three gentlemen don’t represent all foreign businesses here. I know it is possible. In fact, there’s a good book about it called “Start Up and Stay Up In Thailand.” But that’s about taking an idea and starting your own business.

And a single internet cafe or game room does not make much money. You would have to own several, or a very large one to just earn a living. And that is more expensive than I expected, since reported profits tend to be inflated.

In the course of this research, I did not lose any money. Just time. I’m accepting the fact that I’ll have to return to my original Master Plan, teaching English, which I probably would be doing now, if I hadn’t stumbled onto the strange characters profiled above.

I still have to formalize a schedule for this Plan. I just started my second month of Thai lessons (I took last month off, since I fell behind, and was busy investigating dodgy businesses). I’m starting to sort of enjoy it now. I think mostly because all the people who were doing well advanced to level 3, leaving only dummies behind.

But, I feel optimistic, and will finish this month. Since my original Plan was to come here to study Thai, I may even take level 3. I will have a month of teaching certification to do, so I need to start thinking of doing that. After level 3 may be a good time. It would be nice to start earning some money.

A good thing about teaching is that there’s no worries about having to liquidate assets when it comes time to leave. Thailand holds my interest for now, but I’m not signing up for life. I’ll be able to pack up and head for greener pastures when the government finally decides to deport all foreigners.

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