As usual, people are complaining about negativity in my entries. Thailand is where I am living now, so I’m not writing as a wide-eyed tourist any more, to whom everything is new and good. If you don’t like that, maybe you should check out a travelblog, since this site has become something different. I am also naturally cynical and negative.

So, I’m living in Thailand for at least a year, and I am trying to learn to speak Thai. Obviously, I love Thailand, even though this doesn’t come out in my writing. I guess I assume that everyone knows how great Thailand is, but, of course, most people have never been here.

Bangkok is full of beautiful places

As I unfairly pointed out, it is sort of ugly. Thailand is still developing, so things aren’t as clean as we are used to, and function takes precedence over form. But does this bother me? No, I think it makes it more interesting. Bangkok is especially ugly. Yet, there are some real gems in Bangkok. For instance, today my taxi driver drove through what must be the “Buddha neighborhood.” Block after block of shops selling all kinds of golden Buddhas, some tiny, some bigger than me, and all wrapped in plastic. If I can find it again, I want to go back with my camera.

So, the urban aspect of Thailand may not be aesthetically pleasing, but there are many beautiful beaches and islands, as well as national parks. And Thailand’s second city, Chiang Mai, is supposed to be gorgeous. I will find out in a week, because that is where I am going for my nine day Songkran holiday.

And beautiful Thai people doing interesting things

Thailand may be developing, but it’s further along than Cambodia, and light-years ahead of Burma and Nepal. This means you can have a good standard of living, with most of the comforts of home, for cheap. As much as I love Burma, I could never live there, and I’m not sure if I could live in Cambodia (but I’ve been thinking about it lately).

What makes a country worth living in? For me, it’s the people. I wouldn’t want to live in the cleanest, most beautiful place in the world if the people were mean and ugly. But Thai people are some of the most beautiful in the world. And they are generally friendly and easy-going. I love the way you can smile at someone, and they will smile back. If you did that in America, they would think you were a weirdo. Thailand is, after all, the “land of smiles.”

Even the food is beautiful

Perhaps the most compelling thing about Thai people and culture for me is that is it so completely and utterly foreign. Virtually nothing is known about Thai culture outside of Thailand. Everything is new and fascinating for me.

The good really does outweigh the bad, but everyone who lives here loves to complain, and I am no different. I complain about the government’s xenophobic policies a lot, but that is just the government. As I already mentioned, regular people are generally very friendly.

The other thing I complain about, and will continue to because it genuinely pisses me off is the dual-pricing system. Foreigners often have to pay “special prices” for tourist attractions. Then there are the business people such as tuk tuk drivers, food vendors, souvenir vendors, touts, etc., who will try to rip you off in tourist places. You can’t hold these bad apples against all Thai people. In fact, when I tell a regular Thai person about how I was ripped off, they are just as angered as I was.

So, in summary, Thailand, being a developing country, has many problems, both in aesthetics, and attitudes. No country is perfect But the fascinating Thai people more than make up for these problems. Thailand’s a great place to visit, and a better place to live. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have come here yet, because it took away my desire to see other parts of the world.

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Last Monday was an important day for me. That’s right, after more than a year-and-a-half, I finally am working again. I’m teaching Math, Science, English, P.E., and Cooking at a very expensive private grade school across the river from Bangkok in the Pinklao neighborhood of Thonburi.

I quickly learned that teaching children is nothing like teaching adults. Plus, I’m not providing extra practice with English, I’m teaching it, and other subjects, as primary education. Thus, nothing, not a single iota, transfers from the CELTA. Was the CELTA a waste of money then? No, because I can still teach English if it should strike my fancy. And the CELTA did provide me with the confidence to get up in front of a group every day and teach.

The first week was pretty rough, because I had no idea what to do. But it’s getting better, and I’m slowly learning what works and what doesn’t. I quickly found that if I just work problems on the board, nobody will pay attention. So I’ve been having everyone go up and solve problems themselves. It’s a good opportunity for experimentation, because we have a month of summer school before the school year starts next month. Smaller classes, more of an emphasis on games, and shorter hours. We can even leave when we are done teaching, so on Mondays I am free at 11. It’s a great schedule, and we get full pay for it.

I’m teaching 7th and 6th grade Math (or Maths if you’re not American), 5th grade Science/Health, 3rd and 2nd grade P.E., and 1st grade English, as well as a combined 5th/6th/7th grade “Cooking” class

At first I didn’t like the 7th grade class. For some reason there are no girls, so it’s a room full of teenage boys. Thais may be polite, but teenage boys are the same the world over. But I found that since they are pretty old, I can sort of talk to them, and some of them will understand, and thus establish a rapport. I also found that I can’t rule them with an iron fist. They’re going to screw around a little bit no matter what, so it’s only worth fighting the big battles. The material is also OK, since there is a variety of stuff to cover.

The sixth grade Math class is page after page of multiplication. Boring for me and the students, especially at 9 in the morning. The difference between the 7th and 6th graders is amazing. The former are definitely teenagers, while the latter are still kids.

The 5th grade class is big, so it’s difficult to manage. The material is weird, too. On my first day, I had to teach puberty. This class’ favorite phrase is “play game.” Usually that’s what we end up doing, since we get through the material so fast. Unfortunately I don’t know too many games, and they invariably get loud and chaotic, and hence, a bit unfair.

I wasn’t expecting to teach 1st graders, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Not having a clue what to do, it actually went pretty well. And, if all else fails, I can always read them a story. Most English teaching jobs are for kids now, so this may be the way to go in the future. It’s a lot easier to grade 1st grade English homework than 7th grade math homework. I only have these kids for two hours a week, though.

I had no idea I would be teaching P.E. I don’t know what to have them do. They do what I say for about 20 minutes, then I run out of stuff to do, so they all run around and scream. It’s chaos. Thankfully, only two hours a week.

As I said, this is a very expensive private school, with children from rich families. How rich are these kids? Most of them have electronic dictionaries, Gameboys, and some have Palm Pilots. Why would a ten-year-old need a Palm Pilot? Many live in on campus housing, and those who don’t are chauffeured around in BMW’s and Mercedes Benz’s. One kid is even named Benz (he’s the star student is 5th grade Math). Throughout Asia, the Chinese tend to make up the rich upper class, and many of the students are Chinese-Thai, and some have Chinese names.

One of the fringe benefits of teaching at a school are the holidays. We have two weeks, then a week off for Thai New Years. Then two more weeks of summer school, and another week off before the term starts. Saturday I leave for Chiang Mai.

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Warning: This entry has language that some may construe as “negative.” I’m just poking fun at something I like about Thailand. The British would call this “taking the piss.” Read at your own risk.

I love Thai Malls. I’m not talking about the likes of the World Trade Center, or the Emporium. In these big, beautiful malls, you wouldn’t even know you were in Thailand. In fact, I don’t know where you would think you were if you found yourself in the Emporium. Maybe Tokyo. This is the most beautiful mall I’ve ever been in, filled with the most eclectic collection of expensive and esoteric store I’ve ever seen. Need a $500 handbag? a $1000 dress? A $2000 pair of shoes? The Emporium is the place to go. And many rich farang indeed go, with their new girlfriend in tow. Topping this mall off is the nicest movie theater I’ve ever been to. This is the only bargain to be had here; a first-run movie can be seen for $3. Of course, if you want to spend $10, the standard price in Chicago, you can have your own recliner, and a cocktail.

No, I’m talking about the “real” Thai malls. Always a bit run down and dirty, and undersized for the amount of stuff for sale, and packed to the gills with people, predominantly uniformed university women. Usually, the first thing you see upon entering is a huge pile of bras, surrounded by women excitedly picking through it. Most shops cater to Thai women’s favorite things: shoes, dresses, and clothes. Unlike the Emporium, these items can all be had for a few hundred baht. Needless to say, at these prices, you won’t be getting a Gucci bag.

Other popular shops are beauty salons, because, after all, what does a Thai woman love more than buying shoes? Having her hair styled, of course. Rounding out the shops are game cafes running Counterstrike. The teenage boys need something to do, too.

And these are just the shops. There is space in the walkways, so they are crammed with stuff too. The most popular items are game kiosks, and mobile phone shops. I frequent the latter, because every month I have to buy a pay-as-you-go phone card.

Thai malls are great. You haven’t seen the “real” Thailand until you’ve been to a Thai mall.

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Stop the madness!

Lured by the advertisements showing pretty girls in traditional costumes playfully splashing farang guys with tiny bowls of water, I traveled to the northern city of Chiang Mai for the week long Thai new years holiday. The reality of Songkran is different.

Chiang Mai is a nice little city, smaller and laid back, and not in your face like Bangkok. The old city, where I am staying, is surrounded by the remains of a medieval wall, and a moat, which gives the city a huge amount of character. There are even mountains. And, unlike Bangkok's every man for himself mentality, Chiang Mai has a close nit farang community. I can see why everybody wants to live here.

Songkran officially started on Tuesday, and ends on Thursday, but things were in full swing on Monday. Half the city lined up around the moat, splashing water from buckets and water cannons at passersby. The other half of the city cruised around in pickups with huge buckets of water, and splashed the people on the street.

You tend to get soaked when you're on foot, so we were lucky enough to have the opportunity to cruise around in a pick up with three hot Thai chicks. Unfortunately, they were the most up tight and stuck up people I ever met, so it was not as fun as it could have been.

New Years parade

One day of this is fun, two is excessive, and three is annoying. And it goes on for five. Every time I go out I have to carefully wrap up my wallet and put a condom on my phone. Taking the camera would be pure folly, so it stays at home, unfortunately. Adding to the annoyance is that many people put huge blocks of ice in their buckets. It feels good to be drenched with water straight from the moat, but it's painful to be drenched with ice water.

But Songkran has a dark side. Every day the Bangkok Post lists the running death toll. Like any holiday, there are many drunk people driving. This is bad in itself, but combining this with your average Thai's driving skills is especially deadly. Most of the accidents involve the ubiquitous motorbikes. Splashing the driver of a bike overloaded with a family of five in the face with a bucket of ice water can't help things.

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Songkran jam session

Thank god it's over. I assumed the water fights would go on Friday and Saturday, even though Songkran ended on Thursday. The four days it already lasted (they started a day early) was already too long. Another day would have been unbearable.

But, when I ventured outside, I was pleasantly surprised to see that everything has returned to normal, with no signs of the previous four days of chaos. It's as if the Thais all went totally bonkers to blow off steam, and are now back to their mild-mannered selves. Walking around without getting soaked is pure luxury.

Before people start complaining that I didn't enjoy this Thai tradition as much as I should have, it isn't even really a tradition. The tradition is pouring water over the hands of elders as a gesture of respect. The phenomenon of trying to knock people off their motorbikes with ice cold water from water cannons is a new one.

One good thing about Songkran is that sometimes a beautiful woman will come up to you, smile, and rub white powder on your face, or pour water on you. Thais are generally incredibly shy, and this is about the only time a female would initiate contact with a male.

Guilty Pleasure

Young dancers

Ruairi introduced me to the best restaurant in Chiang Mai, and perhaps Thailand: Mike's Burgers. Juicy hamburgers and hotdogs, chili cheese fries, and the best onion rings I've ever had. Thai food's great and all, but you can't beat a big American burger. Plus, I eat Thai food every day. I'm on holiday here.

Why isn't there a place like this in Bangkok? Actually, I'm glad their isn't, because I would have a heart attack.

Mango Madness

Yellow mango season is upon us, which means you can get sweet, succulent, delicious yellow mangos in addition to the disgusting green ones. And, happily, the best snack ever, mameuang khaow niaow, mango with sticky rice. Slices of mango over sticky rice, covered with sweet coconut milk. Yum!

Chiang Mai photo gallery

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Since this is summer school, which is extra tuition that is supposed to be fun, the kids get to go on a field trip. Today we went to the surreal and depressing Tiger Zoo, two hours outside of Bangkok. After the students were dropped off by their drivers in BMW’s and Mercedes, they got into three busses. But these busses were like none I ever rode in school. If you were to buy a ticket on one, they would probably be classified as “Super VIP.” Huge double decker busses, fully equipped with reclining seats, TV, karaoke, and a staff of chaperones. That is just the upper deck were the students rode. The lower deck consisted of a lounge, were the teachers hung out.

The bus chaperones herded the students around all day. In addition, the Thai teachers were there too. That left us farang teachers with only the job of being white. So we explored the zoo. I had never heard of this place, and was surprised to see some farang tourists there. Here’s what Lonely Planet says about it:

The complex is very popular with Asian package tourists who pay to be photographed posing with tiger cubs and iguanas, but if you are turned off by caged or performing animals, give this place a miss.

First up was a tiny dirty cage full of tiger cubs. We noted that the cage was unlocked, and we could just walk in if we wanted to. I wasn’t interest in going into a cage full of tigers, but two guys were. A Thai worker, who I suspect was the janitor, came up and said it was too dangerous, to which our brave heroes replied “mai bpen rai,” it doesn’t matter, the Thai national motto. So the janitor let them in. The playful little buggers proceeded to bite and scratch, and had to be forcefully removed, while the janitor stood by laughing. No blood was drawn, but skin was bruised, and clothes were ripped.

The motto of the Tiger Zoo seems to be “Mixing up unrelated animals in small, dirty cages.” One cage featured an enormous pig nursing baby tigers. Another featured a tiger nursing baby pigs. Then there was a cage labeled “Happy family,” with a tiger, a pig, and an alligator, all in blissful, drug-induced sleep.

The lowlight was indeed the performing animals: racing pigs, dancing elephants, and basketball playing monkeys. I don’t know if Ringling Brothers really does treat its animals well, but at least they don’t publicly beat their monkeys when they make a mistake.

So we drove two hours to this thing, then an hour to the beach in Pattaya, where we were supposed to lead games, but the students all ran off, so we sat around and ate. We stayed an hour, then two hours back to Bangkok.

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I’m all moved into my third place in Bangkok: a condo that I’m subleasing. It’s kind of funny, because I mentioned in a previous entry that I didn’t want to sign a lease until I found a job, because if I find a job in Pinklao, I would want to live near it. Not that I wanted to, but I did indeed find a job in Pinklao, which is where I am living now. Incidentally, if you think you can pronounce “Pinklao,” simply by saying “pink,” and adding “lao” to it, I am afraid you are sadly mistaken. I have yet to successfully get a Thai person to understand where I live.

I’m technically not as far away as I was when I lived up in the wastelands of Chatchuchak. That was a 100 baht ($2.50) taxi ride home after a night on the town. This is only an 80 baht ($2) ride away. But even though it’s closer, since it’s across the river, it’s perceived as being far.

It sort of sucks to not be in the center any more. But a ten minute walk/motorcycle ride to work is better than an hour in a bus twice a day. It’s better to commute an hour to get “into town” when I want to. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I live right off of the very busy Charonsonitwong road. Until I learn how to pronounce “Charonsonitwong,” getting home will be very difficult. Unlike busy Phahayothin Road I used to live on, which had nothing, there are a lot of vendors selling stuff, and there are quite a few people walking around. And unlike Victory Monument, there are very few farang about. There’s also a big mall a 20 minute walk away if I’m in the mood for an expensive cup of coffee, or Au bon Pain. Unfortunately, due to the lack of farang Au bon Pain seems to lack a lot of the good breads the Siam Discovery Center store has, even though the menu is the same.

My apartment’s nothing special, but it only costs 7,000 baht ($175), down from 10,500 ($260). It’s a studio, and comes with some furniture, a TV, and a fridge. I was sort of surprised when I found out it was on the thirteenth floor. Why not? I figured. Someone has to live on the thirteenth floor, right? Then I read an article in an English book about how in the West, the number 13 is considered unlucky, and buildings don’t have a thirteenth floor. Bullocks, I thought. But then I looked carefully in the elevator of my old building, and sure enough, there was a 12, then a 14, but no 13. Hopefully I will not be cursed with a year of bad luck.

There are a lot of amenities on the sixth floor. A swimming pool, sauna, and weight room. I hope to start using the weight room eventually.

I wouldn’t mind making my place a little homey, so I need to buy some things. I might take some pictures once I’m all set up.

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I quit my job today. But don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds. And, a more exciting opportunity is emerging. It has true “dream job” potential.

I picked this particular job because I was told I would teach math(s) and science to older kids who aren’t high schoolers. And that’s what I’ve been doing for summer school: grade 7 math, grade 6 math, and grade 5 science. It’s going OK, and I assumed that’s what I would be doing for the regular term, and was ready to continue, even though things weren’t perfect.

I got my schedule on Friday, and was pretty dismayed at what I was assigned: grade 7 math, grade 6 science, grade 5 social studies, and grade 2 math. Grade 7 math is my favorite, and I can sometimes relate to the older students, but now they tell me it’s only three hours a week. I don’t want to teach social studies, because it’s very verbose, and the students don’t understand a word I say.

But the last straw was the grade 2 math. Despite my earlier entry, I don’t know what the heck to do with the little kids. I don’t know how Thai kids compare with Americans, but these kids are extremely talkative, and have an attention span of 15 minutes. Getting them to stay in their seats and pay attention is a constant struggle. And if you manage that, they get bored after 15 minutes, so you have to have them do something else. I dread the chorus of “teacher finished.” About the only thing worse is “play game.”

I thought it over last weekend, and decided I’m not up to the task. And like I said, the fact that I have to teach little kids is news to me. I thought I would teach math and science to big kids.

The same thing happened to Ernest, who got stuck with a grade 2 class. He knows he can’t teach these kids, so he talked to our boss, and they decided to split on amiable terms, releasing him from his contract, and providing a letter of recommendation. I followed in his footsteps, and did the same.

I’m glad he did it, because I probably would have tried, and found I hated it. Then I would have been stuck for five months. The school takes a dim view of teachers who walk away in the middle of the term, and blacklists them with the Ministry of Education, so they cannot get a new work permit. Since I’m leaving before the term starts, they have plenty of time to find a replacement.

And for me, this is the best time to find a job, since schools are realizing they need teachers for the terms, and are desperately looking. But, through a connection, I may have a chance at my ideal job. I don’t want to say much lest I jinx it, but I will say that it involves adults, not kids, and computers. I’ll keep you posted.

I have my apartment set up all nice now, and was on the verge of buying a few things to make it homey. I have even used the nice weight room here. I like it here, and want to stay. But, it’s far away. I’m hoping I can work out a way to get out of my lease with my landlords. It will suck to move again, but I don’t own that much stuff, so it only take a few taxi rides across town.

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Have you ever had a job interview where the interviewer gives you a form to fill out, then talks on the phone the whole time, and finishes off by informing you that they already have two people for the position, but they will call you if they don’t work out? I just did.

I’m bummed, because it certainly would have been a step up. My current school is one of the top ten best bilingual schools in Thailand, and pays good money (I make 40,000 baht a month, which seems like a lot if I don’t convert it into $1,000 a month). The school I talked to today is one of the five best bilingual schools in Thailand. They pay well too: 50,000 baht a month. That’s big money in Thailand. But, more important than the money, was the fact that the job was for what I want to do: teach math to old students, grades 11 and 12.

Oh well. There is some good news. I will have an interview next Friday for the “dream job.”

I’m really getting into my grade 7 math class, now that we’re doing geometry. I was all excited an enthusiastic, and all the students paid attention. It helps to teach something you enjoy.

Copy cats

One thing I can’t think about if I don’t want to get depressed is the Thai attitude toward copying. In America, the smart kids get beat up by the other kids, so they don’t want to share their answers. They did the work, so why would they want to give anyone else a free ride? But in Thailand, the smart kids are concerned about their dimmer peers, and they want to help them pass, so they share their answers. So the whole class will usually quickly have answers to all the problems. This is disastrous for little kids, who all start chanting “teacher finished,” even if I tell them in Thai that they are wrong. At least the seventh graders will let me explain mistakes.

It’s an unwinnable battle, but I fight it every day. Today half the class all had the same answers to their problems. The student who did them didn’t read the instructions, so the answers were all ridiculous. I asked them three times if they copy from someone who is wrong, will their answer be right? These guys speak very poor English, but finally someone answered “no.”

The one thing I always try to stress is the the answer isn’t good enough! They can’t just come up to the board and write that the area is 42. They have to write out the equation. The fact that I think the equation is more important than the numerical answer, and that I want them to use a calculator to solve the equation is a concept they just can’t grasp. Most of them don’t seem to know how to use a calculator, and one of the good students refuses.

Since this is summer school, there is no homework, and no tests. So if they copy, it doesn’t really matter. In fact, that actually helps me, due to the school’s demand that the books be completed. It doesn’t matter if the students learn anything, as long as their workbooks are complete and marked everyone is happy.

During the real term, copying of homework would be a problem. Despite the problem, I wish I could continue to teach the seventh graders. I would tackle the problem by forcing them to do what I had to do in my engineering education: show all work. That way if they didn’t do the problem themselves, they would have a lot to copy.

So, I’ll miss the seventh graders, but I’ll be glad to never see the little first grade bastards again. I’ve decided that if I were to die and go to hell, that hell would be a room full of Thai first graders chanting “teacher finished” and “play game”.

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